Many have asked me why I attended graduate school, why I applied for MS CS. For one, entrenching yourself in the academe runs the risk of distancing yourself from the industry. There is a probability that things can become too theoretical, too “high,” that the skills you will learn might not even be useful in the industry. Another thing, I’m an MIS person playing in the field of CS. One may argue the gap is not so far, but as I spend more time in CS the difference between the two courses grow more distinct, and many times I discover sharply some gaps in my CS education (such as several CS concepts appearing to me for the first time, which my classmates already know). It’s not that bad though, because the gaps exist because I had valuable training in the field of Management instead. Ironically, playing in the playground of CS masters made me appreciate the Management subjects I had during undergraduate studies even more.

I’m nearing halfway through this 1-year program, and what am I feeling? Yesterday I disappointed my thesis adviser. My thesis exposed how unripe I am for serious academic research. I could blame this to the fact that research is simply not part of the core competencies of an MIS graduate. But that is simply not an excuse, there are just things I don’t understand yet, things I failed to do, and mistakes I simply did.

During Masters I’ve spent the most time in the library I ever had, and have read more than 80 or 90 journal articles since this summer, with so far 54 finding its way to my thesis draft bibliography. I chose the Learning Sciences as the field of my thesis because the possibility of adding even a miniscule new idea to Education in the Philippines with the use of Information and Communication Technology (ICT) was simply irresistible.

So how am I living with my decisions? Each course subject is an intense intellectual battle, and after every 6-9 class my brain throbs from the serious beating it gets from the difficult concepts. And reading advances in the field of Intelligent Tutoring Systems are nothing short of exciting. I want to do good at this. Very, very badly. I cannot even explain how disappointed I am at myself for disappointing my thesis adviser. I cannot even explain how… badly, terribly, sickly, I want to conquer this graduate degree.