I was scanning through my thesis adviser’s site, and saw her oldest creative publication was in 1995, in some sort of youth magazine. Youth? I couldn’t imagine her in her youth, she was the mentor, the one we in ALLS look up to, the multi-published doctor of our field. The one who’ll kick our asses right out the door if we don’t perform well. And then I thought again, 1995 was already 16 years ago. 16 years have passed since that publication, and here I am now in the year 2011, looking at her list of publications (for anything useful for my thesis) and finding a publication in a youth magazine, 16 years ago. So long ago. How time flies.

Actually, how time scampers. Sprints. 16 years have passed since Windows 95 went into the market, the first computer OS my eyes set sight on. I wonder what things people will see about me 16 years later. I’m 20 years old, with no cool publications to my name. I wonder how I’ll look back at this time, as I sit here in the graduate student’s cubicle inside the library, depressing on the fact that I’m losing motivation about everything I’m doing. 14 hours a day inside the library is pretty tiring. I just want to lay down right now and daydream of the possibilities 16 years later. But I can’t, I have a meeting with my thesis adviser later and I’m thinking of a way to present my “progress” in a manner that would seem like I’ve accomplished more than I actually have. I’m starting to think if this is the life I’d want for myself. Actually, no. I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life, but I’m doing this now, for the future. It just gets me thinking, how much life am I losing each day I spend inside the library, working on research few will actually read, learning mathematical skills I probably won’t even put to use after graduation.

Right now I want to drive away, to a far place, far with no traffic, with nice views on either side, where I could take the car to speeds of 140, windows down as I feel the fresh winds on my face, facing the morning sun, the horizon, on a never-ending road to an exciting, non-existent heaven.

I wonder what 2027 would look like.